Belated Resolutions.

It’s 3:41am.

I’ve been up since 2:26am, having originally crashed out at 12:35am. The remaining jet lag of an overseas trip.

According to my phone, it’s still 26 degrees. As I lay awake, the fierce glow of my laptop charger and a dim moonlight peering through the blinds provided an eerie sense of undarkness to my room – a blackness given unnatural and unnerving luminescence.

I was… Panicking is the wrong word. Silently reflecting on my current position in life. I pick up my phone off the bedside table and stare unblinking into the harsh backlight, unaware of my surroundings dissolving into an abyssal black. It is about now that I decide: I am discontented enough to create new years resolutions, fifteen days after the beginning of the year. I begin to type a note on my phone.

They are as follows (the quotation marks denote what I wrote on my phone):

1. ‘No more dessert’ or high-sugar snacks. One of my biggest self-criticisms is my lack of self-control. I find it difficult to stop myself doing things through willpower alone, even as I sit here admiring a strong willpower as a highly desirable trait. So to challenge myself, I will not eat dessert this year. To be more specific, I define dessert as a post-meal course with a high-sugar content; the snack is the same but untied to meals.
2. ‘Stop rationalising everything’. I also frequently recognise when I avoid doing productive tasks due to my ability to rationalise almost everything – ‘I can do this tomorrow, it’s too hot now’, or ‘it’s a Sunday today, better to rest’. I must make a conscious effort to stop this. This is a harder one to measure; sometimes it is necessary to put a certain task off for need of another more pressing task, or because rest is genuinely a better option. I have to ask myself if there is a more pressing concern at any given point; if not, then do, do, do.
3. ‘Look for jobs every Sunday for 30 minutes’. I should be in the habit of seeking gainful employment more frequently. It’s a very small goal, but it should be part of a routine, I think.

The Early 30

This is the incorporation of phone notes with a hastily formulated plan – I like to round things out with numbers.

1. ‘Make a plan every morning’ for 10 minutes. Google Calendar is great; using it is even better. I often experience a big jump in productivity and self-satisfaction when I make and stick to a plan. I should dedicate time each morning to making a plan, say 10 minutes post-breakfast. If I have work, I should do it anyway – get up 10 minutes earlier if necessary.
2. Read for 10 minutes. This is an experimental one – 10 minutes for reading is short, but I’m curious to see how it goes. This can take the form of a news article or current book.
3. ‘Meditate every day for 10 mins’. This has been tough. I haven’t found the presence of mind that I want to yet with meditation, but it is hardly surprising given my omnipresent inner turmoil. I also struggle to stay awake during meditation, even for as little as 10 minutes. I must stick to this. From now on, I must meditate each morning as part of this power hour.
4. And for harmony’s sake, 30 pushups, 30 squats, 30 crunches. Always good to get the blood flowing a bit to start the day. This is not so much for the exercise and more for the habit of kicking things into gear. I’m going to leave this one open to change in terms of the amount and type, but right now I just like the number 30. I might swap this around with the meditation if I find it wakes me up more effectively.

Well it’s now 4:21am, and I should work on that jet-lag a little more. To 2018; let’s hope it’s a good one.