Today I finally finished Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations to a satisfactory degree, by which I mean in full, thoroughly and with the accompanying notes for each entry at the back of the book.
Marcus explores many ideas, and owing to the personal nature of the book there’s a hefty amount of repetition, but he especially emphasises his desire to be a better person, both for his own personal virtue and for the benefit of his fellow man.
There are elements of his text that at best I am sceptical of – the idea that man does not willingly do wrong, or the concept of the ‘whole’, for example – but Marcus’ unwavering commitment to combating his personal flaws in the pursuit of a more just and divine soul is utterly inspiring.
In my ideal life, I want this to be my ultimate ambition. I want to be in a position personally and economically stable enough where this can be my main focus, having laid all other concerns to rest.
It feels like an enormous, perhaps even insurmountable task. How do I become solely responsible for all of my own affairs without compromising this goal? How is the necessary accumulation of capital in today’s world for the success of an individual, let alone a family, a condition that can effectively coexist with this aspiration?
Surely, somewhere in the process, I will be forced to temper or maybe even abandon this commitment if I continue down my current path?
I suppose one solution would be to obtain a position of employment where the requirements of the job are entirely removed from people’s needs, and where success does not entail nefarious manipulation or manoeuvring. This would entail a large – if not total – degree of control over any exchange, financial or otherwise, between client and place of employment.
This outcome would be achieved through two potential means. First, this position could be achieved through long-term development, at a workplace where the skills necessary to go it alone are learned through practical application. The problem with this is that in order to get there, you would have to cede control of the exchange to the firm, and you would either achieve it through a trail of potential exploitation outside of your control, or even lose sight of the goal on the way and become the very abomination you wished to avoid being.
Alternatively, you would start at the beginning by ensuring control over any exchanges, either by finding a place where there is no exchange, or ensuring total control over the exchange. The former would need to be one totally removed from the market system – I can’t even think of one right now – while the latter would assume a pre-existing skill level and aptitude that I do not currently possess in marketable fields.
It feels like an inevitable looming resignation to a system that isn’t so far removed from slavery. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not a slavery of torture, or even of any great discomfort. It offers security, a sense of independence, potentially the ability to build a life and maybe even a legacy of sorts in the form of a family. In all likelihood, there’s never been a better time to be alive, in developed nations at least.
But maybe a form of slavery because we live in a world where virtue without absolute religious devotion seems extraordinary.
We’ve created a world that is at least tolerable for a huge percentage of the global population; for a much smaller percentage it is even actively wonderful. For a percentage somewhere in between, I imagine, it is actively abhorrent.
And yet success in this world is driven by a continuation of a system where the ultimate goal is not to be a better person. Sometimes this pursuit is not even part of the equation. Even when the world has witnessed revolutions, of which there has been many, the global tune returns to the slow, methodical drumbeat of the struggle for economic prosperity.
I am a part of that system. Part of me bemoans it; all of me acknowledges it. I will not sit here and strum the violin for fallen visionaries – I’ve read of the unbelievable bloodshed that has continually and reliably occurred in the name of political change – and I must acknowledge the irony of Marcus’ own position at the head of Roman legions in Germany during his reign.
Anyway, this is all getting away from me. I want to lead a good life. And I fear that at some point, I might look back and realise that has not always been the case.
TJDempsey 